WHAT HAPPENS ON THE BOAT STAYS ON THE BOAT
10/5/2007 9:19:34 AM by Wave Editorial Staff
Wave’s editors and foreign correspondents often find themselves in some pretty sticky situations while out at sea in search of that next great story idea. Here are a few we thought might be worth a mention.
NAUTICAL NEWLYWEDS
There’s a huge, huge difference between a megayacht and a bowrider, or so one New York couple recently found out. The randy newlyweds were boating in their Bayliner along the Montauk coast at the tip of Long Island, when a wave of connubial lust overtook them. Upon checking the shoreline and horizon, they spotted no others around and decided that the indoor/outdoor carpeting covering the deck when topped with several beach towels made a fine bed. Concerned over the potential sunburn they could suffer throughout their romp, they were quickly relieved to discover that the canvas overhead would shade their sensitive parts from sunburn. Unfortunately, in the heat of more than just the sun, they didn’t notice the other boats that began to approach, all of which had crews and captains worried and ready to help the seemingly mayday-bound small boat floating aimlessly. The growing crowd, who soon realized what was happening (we expect internet photos soon and YouTube postings), was then joined by the curious Coast Guard ready to assist the potentially stranded boat. Needless to say, while the groom’s posterior didn’t get sunburned, the rest of the couple’s skin was soon an all-over embarrassed red, especially after a stern Coast Guard warning. Hmmm, wonder if they’ll tell this tale to the grandkids?
MAYDAY MERGER
Even on yachts over 200 feet, it’s wise to watch what one does on deck. This is true even atop a tri-deck in the middle of the ocean. Now one could reasonably conclude that no one could possibly see the “action” in such a situation, and in most cases, they’d be correct. In this instance, however, they’d be dead wrong, especially when the witness owns the vessel. An unnamed multi-millionaire was recently returning to his home-at-sea after a grueling merger with a rival company. Needless to say, he was not in the best of moods. Little did he know what he was about to witness would be a completely different type of merger. Upon boarding, said multi-millionaire spied his wife in the hot tub with his captain in flagrante delicto. Oops. The ensuing confrontation contains too many details to describe here, but the aftermath isn’t quite as complicated. “The decision was simple,” says a family friend. “He just loves the boat. So he got rid of the wife. Got rid of the captain. Had the beds in master suite and captain cabin redone. Probably had a ton of chlorine put in the Jacuzzi. Then he got himself a new wife, a female captain this time, and it was life back to normal.” Rumor has it that the former wife and captain did not fare so well.
CHARTERING SONGSTRESS
Some celebrities don’t want what happens on the yacht to stay there at all. Such is the case of diva Mariah Carey. After all, what better way is there to show off the results of intensive therapy, exercise and rumored bodywork and jump-start a potential comeback than to be photographed on a yacht? This past summer, the new face of Elizabeth Arden’s M perfume vacationed aboard Roberto Cavalli’s self-described 134-foot multi-million dollar yacht, which is, as he puts it, “a little bit sexy, like my clothes. Mariah fits in well with the theme.” The scantily bikini-clad songstress romped on deck for the paparazzi, stopping just short of shamelessly inviting them aboard, reported one mildly disapproving Cavalli friend.
DRENCHED IN THE DESERT
What happens in Vegas may stay in Vegas, but without miles of discrete desert and prickly cacti to protect secrets from the rest of the world, what happens on the yacht seems to get out almost before the deed is done. Such was the case when Jack Black got a bad case of stage fright before singing to a celebrity-filled audience during a yacht party in the south of France. The actor/comedian is the lead singer for the rock comedy band Tenacious D. While the band has two albums and a mocumentary to their credit, “Jack simply choked up,” according to one source aboard the yacht. “I guess it’s nice to know that no matter how successful he’s become, Jack still hasn’t lost touch with his humanity,” the source concluded, while adding, “Not that anyone really cared. After all, this was a superyacht party, with super-catering and superstars. Jack could have fallen overboard and the party still would have been deemed an unqualified blast.”
SEA-HOUSE ROCK
Ex-wives aren’t known for keeping their lips zipped. At least not in the case of Lisa Marie Presley when it comes to the subject of her short marriage to Hollywood A-List actor Nicholas Cage. Elvis Presley’s daughter recently reminisced, “Nick and I had a blazing row aboard his yacht once while we were cruising in the Pacific, when he got so mad he threw my $75,000 engagement ring overboard into the sea.” She says she told him to get “a damned diver here right now.” He didn’t. “But he did get me an even larger diamond ring to make up for the one he tossed overboard,” she says. Their marriage, which occurred shortly after this experience, lasted a mere three months. If they had the GPS coordinates, most divers would spend more time than that just searching for the valuable ring.